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I Should Be Dead

Updated: Dec 11, 2023

After reading a slew of articles about all the bad habits that can shorten one’s lifespan, I’m happy to report that I’m still alive, though statistically I should have died years ago. Here are just a few habits that have been wreaking havoc with my mortality.

1.Sleeping less than eight hours a night can take up to 14 years off your life. Six hours has always been my max, but after reading about the 8-hour rule, I’ve been losing sleep, lying awake stressing about how I’m lying awake stressing about lying awake, because…

2. Stress can shorten your life span up to 3 years. Just thinking about this vicious cycle of insomnia and stress leads to…

3. Depression, which according to some studies, can take 10 years off your life.

4. Pessimism can increase your risk of an early death by 50%. Sad to say I’m a glass-half-empty kind of gal.

5. Commuting more than 31 miles each way can take years off your life expectancy, even more if you are a woman. I spent most of my working years stuck in turnpike traffic, driving while female. Note to ladies: work from home.

6. Not flossing every day can take up to six years off your life.

7. Every hour of TV you watch shortens your life by 22 minutes.

I did the numbers, and according to my calculations, I should have been dead before I was born. But here I am. So I’ll be celebrating with a bag of Snickers, which I believe are vegetables.

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